Bride from HELL

[electricsmooth]

Well at least you were done with her at the end of the night. Can't say the same for the poor guy who has to put up with her for the rest of his life.

[DJ Donnie Lewis]

Sounds to me like she hated all the formalities and just wanted a party... would've been happy if she could've just skipped dinner,cake, intros... the whole ball of wax and walk in the door and start dancing... AND like she loves to complain. Bet if you were a fly on the wall, you would find she pretty much treats everyone like this all the time.

Actually felt the same, Kinda like she wanted no spotlight on her

[DJ Scotch]

I would mix "Say my name Say my name" and then end it with I am "Rick James bitch".

[DJ Donnie Lewis]

Lol yea man. Cutting back n forth lol

[Dave Daschofsky]

Well at least you were done with her at the end of the night. Can't say the same for the poor guy who has to put up with her for the next couple of years.

Fixed it

[Dixieland DJ]

First of all, praise to you for taking that & sticking with it. However, I don't think I would have had the patience to do so....unfortunately.

One question, who signed the contract for that event?

As I have mentioned here before, I am very thorough when dealing with clients just for this reason. My initial contact usually lasts at least 15 minutes & many times 30 minutes or longer... yes, on the initial contact/phone call/consultation... all this before I ever accept the gig. I interview them just like they interview me.
Then I meet with them for at least an hour or more during contact signing. I try to ALWAYS go over the complete three page contract & we discuss it, so they will know where we both stand. We go over as much of the specific plans as they have made so far (before signing the contract). I also provide a "music planner program" that also covers all aspects of what I am required to do as well as a format/outline for the event itself.

I also have clauses in my contract that states:

"In the event of illegal, unsafe or unruly activities where our staff or equipment becomes threatened in any manner, all services may be ended at that time without any refund." (and I do require payment prior to set up - see next clause)


(After the retainer is paid......) "Remaining payment is due on __________, by CASH ONLY at the time of set up. Client further agrees that no equipment shall be set up prior to payment."


"The DJ shall at all times have complete control, direction and supervision of the performance."

While these contract clause's are not a "cure all" or fool proof, they do tend to clear the air & get everyone on the same page. As well, it does give me the option to leave if I am threatened or exposed to "unsafe or unruly activities".

As well, if problems arise where there are different direction from different people... I only take final orders or direction from the ONE (1) person who signed the contract. I NEVER have more than one person sign the contract.

Then teh day OF the event I go over the final plans for the days events to cover such things as you described in your post. Music, announcements, all activities, music etc.

[RDRCK]

New rule...

From henceforth until the end of time, all threads about Brides from Hell shall contain pictures of said brides' boobs.

[Sween]

Unfortunately I don't think her behavior was "unruly"... Uncalled for, yes.

But as a service employee there is a certain amount of "shit" you might have to put up with... This is what makes you professional. That you handle these sorts of matter in a cool and collected way.

It sucks. But it happens in every industry.

[Dixieland DJ]

Unfortunately I don't think her behavior was "unruly"... Uncalled for, yes.

If a guest continually came to your DJ booth cussing & ranting &/or hollering across the room at you.. would that be "unruly" or uncalled for?

What about the father of the bride .. or maybe "Toby Keith sized" big brother..??

To me, its someone being unruly.

merriam-webster.com

Definition of UNRULY

: not readily ruled, disciplined, or managed <an unruly crowd>

[Badger]

I'm hoping you have this bride's home address.

If so, stake the place out for a series of weeks. Use your spare time and sit in an inconspicuous area, watching and waiting. Observe and record the patterns of everyone in the house, paying special attention to the points at which they are home and at which they leave.

What you're looking for is a period of time during which you can be absolutely confident that nobody is home for at least an hour or so. If you can find out if she has an alarm system, then do so; an alarm will basically mean you're screwed unless you have a means of disabling or bypassing it.

For sake of this post, let's say that she has no alarm. Super duper. Do what you can to let yourself in by any quiet, uneventful means necessary. Try not to damage anything. You're not wanting to "break and enter." You're just wanting to "enter."



Find the bathroom that she probably uses the most. This will probably be the one connected to the master bedroom. Hopefully she won't have a bunch of junk (trinkets and whatnot) on top of the toilet tank, but if there's anything up there, remove it gently and place it off to the side, remembering where everything was. (You may use a cell phone camera to assist with this if necessary... just be sure to delete the photo later.)

Once the lid is cleared off, open up the tank, drop trou, and give her the gift of a huge upper-decker.

When you're done, put the top back on the tank, replace whatever items you may have needed to remove in the exact same places they previously occupied, and quietly, happily make your way out of the house and back home.

After you get home, have a victory wank. You've earned it.



If she ever calls you to ask about this, just tell her "SHUT UP" and hang up the phone. Then, laugh. Laugh like mad.

(Note: This will work a lot better if you eat a lot of greasy food and/or down a massive dose of laxatives shortly before the break-in.)





(Disclaimer: You know what? This is terrible, terrible advice, which you really shouldn't follow. If you do, then I won't be held responsible; I posted it strictly for entertainment value, not as a genuine recommendation, because it's such bad - truly awful - advice. Just horrible.)